A bed of roses

I've quit Skyrim. I'm just not feeling it. I've only played a few hours but when you know, you know, right? When a game lands, you find you've played 3 hours and it feels like half-an-hour - I'm struggling to do an hour in Skyrim without it feeling like work. So, that's that.

My new compost bin arrived - without a door <_< I got a text from the delivery driver saying, 'I'm outside - are you in the white house?'. Our house is a brick terraced... There isn't even a white house in view of ours. I'm guessing they mixed up my number and the person ahead of me...? Anyway, they arrived with the bin and the lid. 'Where's the door?' I asked. 'There isn't one,' they said. 'Well, there's one on the picture on the label!' I pointed out. 'Oh - I'll ring them and tell them they need to send you one out.' So, hopefully the vendor will be in touch soon.

Anyway, the plan is to get my bulbs planted tomorrow.

I've done two boss fights in Stray Blade. The first one was probably too easy, thanks to the difficulty being turned right down - but the second one would have driven me nuts otherwise. So, yeah - keeping the settings waaay down. I've also got my first proper ability. Zipping around like a good 'un, now. It's a metrovania-type game, so I expect to revisit every area about 50 times.

I'm now watching Rex's LP for FFVIII. He got upset with the chat for not knowing the difference between helping and spoiling :D And he's just met Irvine - still the coolest entrance for a video game character EVER!

OK, that's all for today.

Church was LONG, today. I love when we have discussions but don't do that plus a full-length sermon AND Holy Communion. Although the questions, and the discussion in my group, were very interesting :D

The sermon was about 'sin' as false attachments - the ways we self-identify that we then feel we have to live up to. What Richard Rohr calls 'living from the false self'. Our 'true self' is found in God. Or The Divine. Or however you describe it. 'Turning away from sin' is turning away from the small, false self to join with the large, true self. But we're afraid to break down the walls we've built around ourselves, or our group, because we think they provide safety, when they only create barriers between us and the rest of the world - and, actually, between us and God.

Or something like that...

It did make me think of the labels I use to describe myself and how helpful they actually are. The most exclusionary one I use is 'Scouse Not English', which really doesn't fit well for someone who also wants to be 'Inclusive'! I think it's time to drop that one. I still don't think I'll ever use the label 'English', though, because I feel people who describe themselves as English are creating their own clique. I'm British because that's my nationality (and there isn't much I can do about that!) and I'm Scouse because I'm passionate about my city. I could also stop denying 'Scousehood' to people from outside Toxteth :D

I got home and husband was scraping weeds out from between the paving slabs, saying he was bored (son was watching 'The Nutty Professor'). I joked that scraping weeds was more fun than having a shower (I'd got the bathroom set up before I went to church in case he found the energy to use it). Unfortunately, I didn't thank him or comment on how it was good to see him doing some activity, so he had a bit of a sulk. And when I said I was sorry, that wasn't good enough because I shouldn't have said it in the first place. He also asked if I saw the garden as my personal activity and didn't want anyone else doing anything out there.

Of course, I said, 'No!' because he's right - anything that gets him outside and doing something physical has to be a good thing. But when I poked my conscience, I had to admit he had a point. Subconsciously, I do see the garden as 'mine' and I do resent 'interference' - even scraping out the weeds. I'll never say this out loud - not because I want to hide it but because he'd say something like, 'You even admit it! You don't want my help - so I won't do it again.' No matter how many times I might say, 'I realise this is a wrong thing for me to think and I'm going to work against that thinking, and please DO get out there as much as you want to.' it would never land. So, I'm just telling myself to work on it!

On the other hand, when I thank him for washing up, he says there's no need to because he wants to help when he can, so I feel boxed in to a corner. You don't want thanks, or apologies, or explanations - WTF DO you want?! The joys of married life...

Anyway, I did a tiny bit of weeding and general tidying up but didn't do any digging out of weeds in the central area because the compost bin is completely full. I think the meadow idea is going to have to wait for next year. Part of me expected some comment on how I was 'taking over' or 'interfering' but I had intended to get out there today myself. That comment wasn't made, but I feel I should say something to head it off.

After dinner, I threw my scouse together in the slow cooker and headed upstairs to watch the 2008 version of 'Sense & Sensibility' - well the first two episodes. It really is sooo good, and proves what I said yesterday about the advantages of turning novels into a series rather than a one-shot. 

Liverpool and Arsenal both lost today, so now the outcome of the Prem is in City's hands and they don't lose very often. Still, it ain't over 'til it's over... But the lesson here is to not take anything for granted. A few weeks ago, we looked untouchable, but a couple of dodgy results and it's all gone to pot.

After tea, I asked husband if he minded me watching the last episode of S&S, even though experience tells me this isn't a good idea. I'm now expecting a rant tomorrow about how I 'put him through' something he didn't want to watch. And he has a point - I could have waited an hour and watched it up here. It meant I didn't have to talk and adult conversation is one thing he's always asking for. Not that I'm much good at that, either. I can join in if he starts it, but my skills at finding something to talk about are poor-to-non-existent.

And finally, I've just had another hour on FF:RoF and I think I'm going to admit defeat. The screen is really small and there's no way to move the camera, so I can't really see what's going on around me. I tried to use Cure Magicite during battle and just couldn't get it to work quickly enough. And I had to light three candles with three separate balls of Fire Magicite very quickly, and ended up using 5 balls because I wasn't quick enough. If I have a spare hour this week, I might have another go but I'm not holding out much hope.

So, I've learned to stop putting limits on my inclusivity, to lead with 'thank you' even when thanks are unnecessary, to take nothing for granted, to not watch my programmes with husband, and that some video games are just not for me. In fact, I've re-learned all of those things because they are all lessons the Universe has put in front of me before, and will continue to put in front of me until they stick :D

Trigger warning for conversation about death and grief.

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Today is the 6th anniversary of our niece's passing. We weren't particularly close - we took her out with the other kids when they were all young but we weren't her type of people and she wasn't ours. What hit us most was her being the same age as our daughter and how it could just as easily have been her. As discussed in earlier posts, I used her death, and the subsequent trial and sentencing of the driver, as the main illustration of my talk in church and I realise I feel a lot lighter. I haven't grieved because I didn't feel I needed to - but that in itself was a grief to me. Now, though, I realise preparing for today has given me the chance to process it all. Or some of it, at least.

Part of the talk was about how we were initially thrown into a state of limbo. Firstly there was a delay to the funeral, then the case didn't get to court for over 2 years (not helped by the pandemic) and the sentencing was nearly 3 years after the accident. A couple of people said the idea of 'limbo' had really resonated with them, so I'm very pleased I went with it in the end.

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Talking about other stuff, now :)

I nearly didn't get to church, though. There was a half-marathon going along the main road I need to cross. If I'd been setting off at the usual time, the runners would have been more spaced out, but because I needed to be there early, I was met with a solid mass of bodies! In the end, I played a kind of real-life Frogger - getting into a gap, letting a couple of people run past then moving forward a couple of steps, letting a couple more go past! One bloke swore at me but I think he was entitled. From his pov, I was some random woman getting in his way who could have just waited half-an-hour. Which I couldn't but he didn't know that.

I had a chat with a newbie who was with us last week, too, but I didn't get a chance to talk to then. They moved to Liverpool from London quite recently and since they moved have suffered from some problem with their legs - and apparently we have a leading neuroscience team here, which they couldn't have accessed in London. I asked what had brought them to Liverpool and they said they didn't really know - but they were glad they'd made the move! It's what a former minister of ours would have called 'a God coincidence'.

This afternoon, I did a bit more on clearing the middle patch in the garden, raking up anything loose enough to be raked. The main problem I'm going to have, I think, is that the compost bin is now full! I also checked the bird feeder that's been taken over as a nesting box and a bird flew out. I just hope it went back and I haven't scared it off. I tried to peer in from the other side of the bush and a robin perched on a branch watching me, so perhaps the nest is theirs? I decided to just keep away from it for the time being. The robin was also hopping around the garden pecking at the ground I'd cleared, so it's also benefitting from me being out there!

I've also done an extra bit of cleaning in the bathroom ahead of the visit from Occupational Health, tomorrow. I found a 'recipe' for cleaning tiles - mixing washing soda and bleach into a paste, working it in with a toothbrush, then rinsing it off. It not only worked on the grouting but also some icky bits on the tiles themselves. I think it's going to have to be a more regular job, though, because it's still not perfect.

I made some progress in FFXVI. Clive was 'invited' to meet another dominant and took up the invitation with Gav and Jill in tow. Gav said something about helping out and I thought, 'And Torgal! Torgal's a good boy - he always helps.' forgetting that in this particular section Torgal really does have his own moment that comes as a surprise to everyone, including himself, I think <3

In the meantime, LFC managed to throw away a lead twice, eventually losing 4-3 to Man U in the FA Cup Quarter Final. But it means we can focus on the Prem, now. And the Europa League, which is the only trophy Klopp hasn't won. Either, or both, would go very nicely with the Carabao Cup as a farewell gift to everyone's favourite German :)

I finished 'Emma' last night, so now it's on to 'Northanger Abbey', probably my least favourite Austen book. I think it's because Catherine is so much younger than any of the other heroines and seems somewhat silly and naive - but that's also her charm. Also, Gothic novels aren't really my thing, although it's a pastiche on the genre rather than a Gothic novel in its own right, and I very much enjoy it on that level.

And I think that will do for now. I really need to get to bed!

So, the puzzle I was stuck on last night in IFR... I was thinking to myself, 'what I really need to happen is...' but that thing wasn't happening. Or, rather, my tired brain didn't NOTICE it happening *heavy sigh* Got through all the puzzles (including realising I'd missed something on one of the ones I thought I'd finished last night), which created a LOVELY (do you sense the sarcasm? it's not just dripping, it's fucking POURING) platformy staircase in four sections. I spent about 90 minutes playing IFR this afternoon, a full 30 of which, I swear, were spent climbing up the platforms and falling off when I tried to cross to the next section. When it all clicks and you're climbing or jumping or flying from correct point A to correct point B, yes, it's fun. But hesitate for a millisecond, or long hold X instead of double pressing, or launch a centimetre to either side of correct point A, or any one of a thousand other things, and you have to start the whole thing again.

*deep, deep breath*

Anyway, long story short, I finished the game and I enjoyed the ending. I think it's a 7/10...? I didn't fall in love enough with the puzzles to do very many of them, and the platforming elements put me off the Tartarus Vaults. Plus, playing on Story Mode meant I didn't need all the upgrades to complete the game, anyway. The story is linear but there's nothing wrong with that; it held the game together very well with some very nice development arcs for all the characters. The graphics are just gorgeous and the VAs are all excellent. Music... I didn't really notice it; when I did, it was OK. If I didn't have other things to play, I think I would have been tempted to do more of the puzzles, maybe even try for the plat, which is why it's a 7 not a 6.

I've moved on to 'The Gardens Between', another puzzle-based, non-combat game. Two friends are reliving their childhood memories. There's a time rewind/fast forward mechanic, and each character has their own contribution to make to the puzzles. The actions get quite repetitive - wind time backwards and forwards with the L stick, interact with objects with X - but working out how to use those controls to solve the puzzles is very engaging. I played 90 minutes and got more than half-way through, I'd say. Definitely want to finish it. I think I prefer 'Unpacking' for telling a story without dialogue, though. 

Bumped into an old friend on the way to church. They've apparently fallen out with another friend for unspecified reasons (I've only heard about it from the second friend, and I don't want to pry), but I haven't fallen out with either of them, so see no reason not to continue to be friends with both. It's unlikely the three of us will be in company again, anyway. Church was made very lively by the vicar's 3 children (aged 4, 6 and 8? something like that), and the 2yo child of another couple :D

Spent some time in the garden finally planting out my primroses and beginning the job of clearing the central patch so I can plant my meadow flower seeds. A very friendly robin kept me company; presumably I was unearthing tasty things for it to eat <3 I also refilled one of the bird feeders, and discovered a nest in one of the others :O It's shaped like a bee hive, so the idea is the birds can eat without getting rained on. But, apparently, it's also the perfect spot for a nest. I'm guessing it was built last spring, when my attention was as far from the garden as it was possible to get. I didn't touch it in case the owners want to reuse it this year :D

And next week is the final of Dancing on Ice 2024. I'm very much looking forward to it!

Hoping for a better night's sleep than I got last night, which was made even worse by me thinking it was Monday when I woke up >D

Good night, DW!

Tomorrow is a work day but it's a WFH day. AND it's a quiet, desk-based day. I plan to watch Dave from Playstation Access play FFVII for the first time in his life :D

Today, I was planning a nostalgiafest with my favourite colleague. We were going to go to the tiny little pub that was our local when we worked in the same office, partly for the nostalgia and partly to celebrate their new job. Then the son announced his phone wouldn't charge and could we go to the phone shop and get it sorted. So, nostalgia got put on hold. In the phone shop, the assistant stuck a paperclip into the little socket where the charger goes and pulled out a wodge of dust and goodness knows what. So, the phone was actually fine, just dirty <_< Rosa is unimpressed. Colleague and I have rearranged for next week - but it'll be coffee shop rather than pub, so the nostalgia will have to wait a while.

Had an interesting meeting with some of the projecty people from other areas of the uni; we're somewhere between a self-help group and a gang of radicals. As a department, we're the furthest along but we're by no means perfect. Other members of the group talk about standardising documentation and I keep pointing them to our templates, which I am happy to share and post the link to the group. Then they say the same thing at the next meeting. Really don't want it to descend into a moaning shop. The difficulty is engaging the interest of someone higher up the foodchain and getting them to see the benefits of standardising project selection and delivery, and possibly even sharing project delivery resource. We aren't talking about a central PMO (we all see the benefits of that but know it's very unlikely to happen in the current climate) - just pooling knowledge and, possibly, resources. I've committed to raising it at my next 1:1 with my line manager, anyway.

I've put some stones on top of the soil in the pot where my lily-of-the-valley plants are, which seem to be deterring the squirrel. The few small patches of soil are still intact, anyway.

Really nothing else of note. Just really ready for bed.

I'd just about given up on the snowdrops I planted in 2022 but at least two have survived! I planted 25 originally and I think about half-a-dozen made it last year, but hopefully these two will keep going.

I'm also hopeful we'll have damselflies again. During the summer of 2022, about 30 emerged from our tiny pond (#itsapondnotapuddle), which I found completely amazing because it's in just about the coldest spot in the garden. Last winter, the pond froze solid for days at a time and the nymphs clearly did not survive. This winter, it's been frozen for just one day, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I have reached the Collapsing Bridge of Doom in the Kasane run of Scarlet Nexus. Even though I now have a strategy for crossing it, I have just died about 7 times in a row. It's late and I'm tired, so I'll try again tomorrow.

And I've ticked another film off my Tivo list - Love Again. Yes, it's a romcom featuring Celine Dion, but it also has Priyanka Chopra Jonas, Russel Tovey and Celia Imrie! It was a nice little distraction and underlines the importance of honesty in relationships.

In this life, we have a part to play, a thing to do that's just ours. For some people, it's singing on stage in front of thousands of adoring fans. For some, it's creating an exciting (or sentimental, or puzzling, or horrifying, or... or...) video game. For some, it's selling snowdrops to herald the spring in the gardens of strangers. For some, it's to find joy in beautiful little insects shedding the skins they no longer need and knowing that they (the human) provided them (the insects) with the perfect environment completely by chance.

I'm still playing with ideas for how best to present the roadmap.  Managing it in Excel isn't helping.  But I don't want to tip a load of stuff into my Portfolio db until I'm sure that's how I want to manage it *sigh*

I'm hoping to get into the garden tomorrow as my 'church' activity :D  I'm only going physically when I'm doing something.  I'm not sure if I want to join the virtual services any more.  They had their time.  But getting doing stuff in the garden would a) get stuff done in the garden! and b) feel like something holy.  We shall see if the rain holds off...

I only have three days in work next week - very much looking forward to the time off.  We thought about visiting the daughter in her new house but it sounds like she's not really ready for visitors.  May take a trip up to my mother's instead!

I am trying to find the time to plan for Nano because the idea I have will NOT work if I try to Pants it!  But time is a finite resource...

Anyway, (talking of time!) the shopping is due to arrive soon, so I'm going down for a cuppa.  See you next week, DW!

 So, I don't really watch a lot of telly these days.  If I'm not working or being with the boys, I'd rather be gaming.  But a week off allows for gaming AND telly!

I've watched the full first series of Miracle Workers.  I loved Steve Buscemi as God - just beautiful.  And when the angels stopped interfering and just let the humans get on with it!  They could have saved a lot of time and lives if they'd just done that in the first place.  But I suppose that's what we're like, isn't it?  We think we understand other people's lives so much better than they do.  If so-and-so would just do X their life would be so much better!

I'm also watching The Watch, which is two half-hour episodes a week.  It's 'influenced' by the characters created by Terry Pratchett.  Detritus the Troll died in the first (or second) episode, probably to save on the CGI budget.  Also, Death's horse Binky hasn't made an appearance, probably for the same reason.  The budget may be low but the production values are high.  And it's an excellent example of how to do diverse casting.  The casting is probably the main reason I'm watching it.  It's like an AU Discworld - almost fanficcy.  But I'm enjoying it more than the adaptations Sky did a few years ago.  It is also making me want to read through the whole collection from start to finish - which would take a lot of time and money!

Then there's Anika with the wonderful Nicola Walker.  She breaks the fourth wall by talking to the camera - although we understand she's talking to herself, really.  How she's made it to DI as a single parent, I'm not sure.  Determination and available baby-sitters I suppose.  Anyway, the ongoing trials and tribulations of being a mother to a teenage daughter are a source of great enjoyment.

I've also got through some of the films on my Tivo, including New Mutants (even though I'm officially 'off' Disney, I wanted to see Anya Taylor-Joy in a very different role - she's quickly becoming a favourite) and Enemy of the State (not sure the tech in the film was really available in 1998 but I'm pretty sure it is now - and pretty much anyone can get their hands on it).

I have also exercised my emotional intelligence a couple of times, once to get my own way without a row!  After 35 years, I'm finally learning how my husband ticks.  It's never too late...

And the corner that will be the rockery is now weed-free, filled with good compost and covered in bark chippings.  I've identified some existing rocks (they're chunks of concrete but when they're buried and have cute little plants growing all over them they'll be rocks) we can use, so that will save buying and transporting any.  I'm planning on doing the planting up in the spring. 

I'm also bursting with ideas for using some of the very many (far too many) plastic bottles that pass through our house as planters, particularly for trailing plants on the now bare fence.  Just not sure there'd be enough soil...  But there's only one way to find out!

Back to work on Tuesday, so that will be fun.  In the meantime, there will be plenty of opportunities for further chilling!

The oven is now a LOT cleaner and there's a cleared patch in the garden awaiting some of the plants that are currently in pots.  I really want to plant some snowdrops, but I think I've missed the window this year.  I'll be more organised next year.  But the daffodils are coming along - every time I look at them they've grown a bit.  And the grey wagtail has appeared again - I am ridiculously happy about seeing her.

I've also posted story #55 for 70x700.  I might even have an edit done of the whole thing by the end of the year!  And I don't think it will need much in the way of editing, bth.

Our Lent services are - fun?  Is 'fun' a good word for Lent?  We're doing a sort of Lent Wreath idea, so we have six little envelopes with 'something' inside.  Last week, it was a piece of purple ribbon to represent 'journey', then we were asked to find something personal that represented our Christian journey.  I found I still had the acorns the previous Rector gave out at his final service 5 years ago.  He was telling a story about a man who'd planted trees in a barren valley and brought it back to life, but acorns are also a symbol of St Bride.  So the acorns represent my church, my call, growth, beginnings, my love for the previous Rector, and the transition to the current Rector.

Really looking forward to seeing what's in tomorrow's envelope!

We also have a morning prayer liturgy with daily readings from 1 Corinthians.  The most recent passage included a reference to 'immorality' and 'homosexuals' but I'm putting that down to the translation I'm using.  My understanding is that NT references to 'homosexuality' refer to power relationships and male prostitution.  And maybe St Paul did mean anyone who comes under the LGBTQIA+ banner - but he was a flawed human like the rest of us.  Whatever, in 2021, I don't believe God cares WHO we love - God cares about HOW we love.

I am (quite slowly) reading 'Lorna Doone' for the first time.  Geez, I wish it would GET somewhere...

And continuing to watch 'Marvel's Runaways', which has lots of interesting relationships and intertwinings.  Alex recently referred to himself as the NPC in everyone else's MMORPG :D

AND - tomorrow is my daughter's 33rd birthday.  I shall send her a picture of the little green spikes that WILL BE her tulips. <3

Right, time to get moving.  Bye for now, DW!

Thursday was the 4th anniversary of Boris' passing.  RIP Fuzzball.  We still miss you <3

I've realised I should probably post some pics of the garden.  We didn't do any 'before' pictures, but I can show some 'in progress' ones - because a garden's never really finished, is it?  Even the pond-not-puddle area isn't quite done - I'd like some edging stones and gravel.  And next year, some more plants, I think - but I want to give the ones we have some time to mature and spread out.

I do have to mention the husband's fountain hack, though, just so I know I've told people about it.  I have a terrible habit of either taking credit for things he's done or just not mentioning them at all - Bad Rosa.  So, our fountain is a tiny pump with different fittings for different effects with a small (but really quite sensitive) solar panel.  The pond is too deep to put the pump at the bottom but it doesn't float - so, how to get the fountain IN the pond?  Husband suggested a cut-down Coke bottle filled with rocks and gravel with the fountain sitting on top - and it works beautifully.  The bottle doesn't show up because it's clear and filled with the same gravel as is on the bottom of the pond, and heavier rocks at the bottom make it quite stable.  So, if you ever want a tiny fountain in a tiny pond (NOT puddle!), you read it here first.

Thursday I met up with my mum and stepdad who insisted on hugs.  At least I managed to get the conversation off the telly and radio programmes they like that I've never heard of and on to birds - mostly THEIR garden visitors, of course, but at least I could contribute rather than just nodding dumbly.

The cleaning plans haven't quite gone... to plan...  I haven't yet done the windows, but that's because it's rained most of the week.  Hopefully, Monday or Tuesday will be dry.  I had a complete chill-out day yesterday, which was just what I needed.

I'm watching The Dragon Prince, which is adorable and thought-provoking.  The 'bad' characters are mostly well-meaning people doing the wrong things for the right reasons, which makes them much more interesting than the usual 2D villains.  I'm nearing the end of the 3rd series, which is all that's up on Netflix - but I'm expecting there to be 6 in total.  Not sure what's next.

Today, washing and kitchen - and some more Ghost, of course!