A bed of roses

Our previous Rector, who is now an Archdeacon, came back to us this morning! Only for a visit but it was very good to see them. We've been using the CoE's BHM resources this month and today's service involved a number of stations looking at Black church leaders in different countries, how the Church has been complicit in racism, Jesus talking about loving our enemies (yeah, he really meant it!), Communion and a bit of self-examination. And we had some PoC in the congregation - one regular, one semi-regular and one scoping us out for their child who's just started uni.

We also heard some Gospel Spiritual songs - 'Father let your kingdom come', 'Let my people go' and 'Glory glory', and sang 'Were you there when they crucified my Lord?' and 'He came down that we may have love' - which really don't sound right sung by a majority white congregation :D

I think I've mentioned before that we're pretty certain our church was built on the proceeds of the enslavement economy. It dates from 1829/30 and enslavement was made illegal in 1833. There's an initiative in the Diocese called the Slavery Truth Project that we're going to re-engage with in the New Year. We're one corner of the 'Triangle of Hope' - the others being Kumasi in Ghana and Virginia; of course, this reflects the 'Slave Trade Triangle'. 

I can clearly remember being taught about the 'slave trade', as we then referred to it. Today, there's a move towards 'enslavement economy' because 'slave' describes a person and 'trade' sounds legitimate. People are enslaved and economy indicates the monetary basis for the whole thing. Anyway, I was in top juniors, so 10/11 when I first learned about it and it left a deep impression on me. I have spent the majority of my life in this area, which is ethnically diverse but for Reasons I went to junior school in a completely white area. I remember an Indian girl starting because her family had moved into the area and she caused a sensation - and I sort of shrugged my shoulders because people with brown skin were part of my every day.

So, I think of my city as being diverse and welcoming - because I value diversity and welcome. The reality is rather different. And that alone makes me uncomfortable. But to think that so many of the beautiful buildings here, including my church, were built on the blood and sweat of other humans makes me profoundly sad. Should I be angry? Would anger be helpful? I don't know... But whether or not anger should be the answer, what I feel is sadness.

Had a bit of a scare with younger grandson today. I spoke to daughter yesterday and she was saying he had a nasty cough but was OK in himself - and I could hear him in the background hacking away, and then burbling happily as usual <3 Today, sil took him to see the GP who sent them to Alder Hey with suspected bronchiolitis - another 'common' childhood illness I've never heard of, like the hand, foot and mouth disease he had last year. After hanging around for 5 hours they were told there was nothing the hospital could do because it's a virus, so go home and give him plenty of fluids. Yay! From reading up on it, it looks like the real danger is to granddaughter who is under six months. Keeping them all in my prayers.

I made progress with my talk for Sunday - I think it's just about written, so I'll have a little run through tomorrow and see how it sounds. And I got another character sheet done for Nano. Only a few left and then it's on to the plot plan and scene list.

Had the group meeting about the PMF, which was actually a much easier ride than I was expecting. There were some small tweaks but I think we actually have something stable! I've agreed to do a review in six months - further suggestions before then are welcome, but I'm going to log them and apply them all together. We can now focus on the downstream stuff, such as the governance doc and check lists in P4W.

I also poked around a bit with Power BI. I know how to change the cosmetics - colours, layouts and so on - but not the underlying data. I'm hoping our friendly placement student can help.

And our CIO is having to take a few months off due to surgery, so the leadership team are duking it out to take over on a temporary basis. I know who my money's on, and I know who I'd like to see get it... and who I definitely don't want to get it :D Interviews are tomorrow, so we should know in a few days.

That's all for now - goodnight, DW.

I'm trying to get ahead of myself so I don't have much to do tonight, and can get to bed ASAP when I get home tonight. I'm quite looking forward to the thing tonight, which is unusual for me as the introvert's introvert! But there will (hopefully!) be people from across the deanery and I want to get a feel for them as people rather than as the faceless 'others'. My aim is to generate interest in at least joining me in resuming the evening prayer and, possibly, even exploring new monasticism more fully.

I'm also at the beginning of preparing for 20 October. The Gospel reading is James and John (sons of thunder/Zebedee :D) wanting to sit at Jesus' right and left hands in heaven. We're also picking up BHM and I'm considering saying something about identity. What identity would James and John give themselves? The inner-inner circle members?

And today is the anniversary of BiL's passing. Can't believe it's been a year...

Not a busy day. Had a check up with the dentist and bumped into a colleague, their spouse and their baby! Check up was fine and the dentist also chipped off a load of tartar around my bottom front teeth - and tried to sell me an air clean for £70. I don't feel the staining is THAT bad and I have other things to spend that money on, so no thanks :)

Got the governance doc redrafted to include the new PMF. Took all afternoon and felt like a real slog, even though it's not that long or complicated a document - my brain just didn't wanna. But it's done. I'll give it another read through later in the week. I also have a feeling I wanted to put more stuff in it, so I need to have a think about that.

And this evening was PCC, which went on far too long. I suggested getting people to submit reports ahead of the meeting, so we only talk about what actually needs to be talked about! But I did get a thank you from the vicar for the Tuesday evening prayer, which was really nice actually. I don't think of it as a big thing, it's just very much me being me - but it's nice to know that's appreciated :) The group is now on pause whilst I do the Cultivate course and gather a team to run it with me. At the moment, if I'm not available it doesn't happen, so there's just the practicality of keeping it going every week. But also it hasn't morphed into the New Monastic thing I envisioned, at least not deliberately or in a focussed way. The Cultivate course is being run across the new 'super parish', so I may meet some like-thinking souls as part of that.

Our new curate is a Southerner and is still learning to navigate Liverpool. We had a big discussion on the difference between Woolton and Walton - but however carefully I pronounced them, they couldn't catch the difference >D 

Anyway, it's late and I need to sleep. Goodnight, DW!

Just got in from a church meeting that was a kind of audit of what we're doing well and where we have room to improve. It's really great to look at all the things we've done really well, and think of ways we can move the needle on the other stuff.

The vicar gave me a lift home and we were reflecting on the smaller congregations I've run. They're both great ideas and I'm very happy to do the lion's share of leading - but I'm not an ideas person. I can help make someone else's ideas come to life, and I can reuse ideas that I've seen work well in other contexts. But I lack the charisma I think you need. I'm more a lieutenant than a general, and it's an important thing to know about myself. I just haven't found the general who can gather the people to make the new thing fly.

I think I got whiplash from all the head changes in work, today. Every time I tried to settle to something, I got at least one and sometimes two things coming from outside that needed attention Right Now!!! I had to exercise my discipline switch to make sure I finished one thing before trying to tackle the other two or three things bouncing around on the edge of my vision. But I got the things done and moved some things I had planned to do today out to other days.

Rosie from Playstation Access was playing some of The Plucky Squire, earlier. I haven't watched it because I want to come to it fresh - but I'm sure she had an absolute ball with it :D

And I continued watching Quasimofo's LP of Ender Lilies. I am sooo glad I didn't continue with it. I would NOT have enjoyed the experience >D But watching someone play it who's more than half-decent at platforming is a pleasure.

Oh, and I've started Harding's character sheet. I have a very clear image of him in my head and I've written it down, but I'm not sure I'll use much of it in the actual novel. But I was looking up something about skin tones because at least two of my characters are WoC - and that made the point that you should describe white characters in the same way as black ones. It's something I normally shy away from because I want my readers to imagine the characters in ways that feel right to them. But I've kind of backed myself into a corner, I suppose...

Well, time for bed, perchance to dream.

We looked at the second chapter of Ruth today, discussing her role as 'alien in your midst', and how the OT really didn't like Moabites. But then King David was a direct descendent of Ruth... There's a suggestion that the book - based on an even more ancient oral tale - was written by a woman because it definitely understands a woman's pov, particularly around the threat to her personal safety. Boaz and Ruth operated within the patriarchy rather than smashing it, but the world's understanding has certainly moved on in the last 2500 years. We also touched on how none of us are expected to complete the work but neither can we ignore the work we're given to do.

I played a bit more of Trek to Yomi. It's a great game if you love fighting games but want something more relaxing. For me, I want story more than combat and it's light on that, despite telling me that 'easy' was for those who wanted to focus on story. But I'm not expecting it to be a long game. It's not my usual thing but that's the great thing about PS+; I get to try different things without committing extra cash. And it is a beautiful-looking game.

I've watched the first couple of episodes of Series 4 of Umbrella Academy. It's all getting very tense. Five's role is less pivotal but I think that's a good thing - it's more balanced.

And I'm finishing off the day by watching the end of DUM.

The reading for today was from 1 Kings and described Solomon dedicating the temple. This then led to a discussion about our own worship and how we can work with the Holy Spirit. As the oldest inhabitant of St B's - in terms of years spent there rather than years spent on the planet - I got to talk about some of the changes I've seen.

I have a theory I call The Theology of Place. We are all called to be Somewhere. For some people, that means leaving one place and going to another - perhaps many, many times. For me, it means staying put. I was challenged by another member of my group that staying fixed could be unhealthy, and I agreed. Having just read Perelandra where the 'Eve' of Venus is forbidden from sleeping on the only fixed land on the planet, I see the danger in being rigid and dogmatic about staying forever in one spot. But whilst I've remained in the same place physically, that place has evolved so much.

First, there's the physical space. When I first went, there were pews along the sides of the main space as well as in the middle. The ones at the sides were removed in the mid-80s to make room for offices (with some of the pew backs being used in the construction), which were rented out to create an income stream. The main window, which depicts the Ascension, is framed by large pillars that used to be painted a dark red and were really obtrusive. They are now a light green and fade into the background. A few years ago, we realised our ambition of removing the remaining pews from the main space, and sanded and varnished the floor. This gives us a beautiful, flexible space.

Then there's our theology. In the 19th Century, a vicar at St Bride's prosecuted the vicar of St Margaret's up the road for having candles on his altar. Now, we light candles as part of our prayers. In 2007, we recognised that we would have to either change how we did things or close - so we changed. It's an ongoing experiment - and that's how we treat it. Let's try a thing - nope, didn't work. Or that bit of it was quite good - how can we make more of that? There is no 'failure', only 'learning'.

And there's my own growth. I've always found St B's to be a place of welcome - come in, join us, tells us what you want us to know about you, don't think you have to believe six impossible things before breakfast. That we have maintained. But it's fair to say that the relaunch gave me an opportunity to create a church in my own image. There was a period where it felt like we were a rebellious teenager - happy to live in the parental home (the C of E) whilst decrying everything about it as outdated and worthless. This was reflected in our worship that, at one point, was reduced to 'Hello, God' - chat - 'Goodbye, God'. But we've matured. I've matured. Reading Richard Rohr has definitely had an influence - I've moved away from dualistic either/or thinking, recognising the C of E for what it is - a human institution, run by human beings with all their faults and foibles, with occasional flashes of insight. And we're no better, we're just more open to questions.

Over the last few years, my role has become less and less pivotal. Other people have taken on the job of making sure things happen and I've been happy to let them. It's healthier for me and for the church. My ego sometimes whines that nobody knows what I DID - but I remember that what's important is that I did it, not that everybody knows about it.

And all of that is why it's important that I'm there. I'm the thread of continuity, through all the comings and goings. There's nobody else in our regular congregation who's been there more than 10 years - for a lot of them, it's less than 5. My 46 years of continuous attendance (minus a couple of years in my teens and the last 3 months of 2022) have seen so much CHANGE. And we're in for more of that when the new Rector starts.

I didn't say ALL of that this morning! And what I did say wasn't put as well. Yesterday's meditation from the CAC was written by a Choctaw elder who spoke of elders as guardians of the future not the past. I hold the memories so that we can move into the future.

And as I'm writing this, I'm reminded of what one of our former Rector's said about writing all of this down. Something to discuss with the new Rector, I think.

The talk on Ruth went well but was overshadowed by conversations about Southport and the aftermath. We were able to draw parallels between people feeling disenfranchised and being wary of foreigners! One thing that's particularly upsetting is the way the grief of three families, and the stress and uncertainty of another ten, is being hijacked by protests that have absolutely nothing to do with what happened.

My very left wing fb friend posted something about the protests being anti-Starmer and not led by the far right... I keep them on my list so I know I'm not only listening to my own echo-chamber but I'm pretty clear on who's leading on this. I haven't heard anything about anti-Starmer protests but have heard about white people being hateful towards black people. If the attacker had been white, would we have seen this level of protest? I think not.

We also talked about Ruth as a 'queer' icon, at least in the sense of her being subversive. It's easy to put modern sensibilities on to Biblical characters but a former member of our congregation would remind us that they had a very different understanding of human sexuality. What we can say is that Ruth showed remarkable devotion to another woman and spoke words that come as close to marriage vows as you'll find anywhere in the Bible - and chose her mil over staying in Moab and marrying again. I offered my £12 Coast dress from a charity shop as an example of my subversiveness, sticking two fingers up to the consumer economy.

Afterwards, one of my Beta readers complimented me on how well I'd handled the situation. People were all upset and frustrated to varying degrees but we provided space for them to talk it out - and to reassure each other that we were all feeling the same way. It's one of those times, though, that I take no personal credit - at the risk of sounding big-headed about something else, I'm not there as ME. I'm hosting on behalf of God - and also getting out of the way so God can speak through me, or remain silent through me. And it's another example of why my Laity (with a capital L) is so important. If I can do that, be that, say that, any other member of the congregation can.

Also had a rambling conversation with son and husband that covered indigenous peoples of the Arctic and Australia (and how we should refer to them), and the various types of intersex people. Thank Google for... Google... I mean, I learned stuff, too. I did point out that what I do know about LGBTQIA+ folk is largely me searching Google but also just listening to people. And holding on to the 'truth' that I don't have to 'understand', for example, why people are trans - I just need to be respectful of their stories and not deny them the dignity of using their chosen name/pronouns. It's just common courtesy. 

I've started 'Infamous: Second Son' (I believe being a gaming granny is also subversive, but that didn't come up today :D) and I'm not sure if I'm enjoying it. I'm certainly not as comfortable beating up humans as I am destroying monsters. Although I am going for the 'hero' playthrough (who doesn't do that on their first attempt...?), so I'm mostly subduing enemies. The only time I'm not is when I miss the little triangle :D But... I haven't taken to Delsin... I dunno. I'll see how I get on the next time I play.

Also, I'm not sure what I'd play instead. *ignores Tidus & co kicking their heels outside Yunalesca's palace where they've been for at least 2 years*

And I've watched the first episode of the new series of 'Dragon Prince'. Poor Claudia ;(

The air was so hot on the way home tonight and it's only got warmer since. Especially in this room, which gets stuffy at the best of times. Except in winter when it gets freezing cold. Go figure... My feet were so hot and swollen by the time I got home that I couldn't get my slippers on!

Made some really good progress with my talk on Ruth. Tomorrow, I pick hymns! I was waxing lyrical about Ruth to my chat buddy yesterday - when they came online today they greeted me with 'Morning ruth_fan' :D Have I mentioned how much I love my chat buddy?

Found myself in the middle of what could be an awkward situation at work. Party A has set up a group to prioritise BAU work on one of our major systems, which is also impacted by a lot of our projects, so they're doing a VERY high-level report on the portfolio. Party B sees the portfolio as their domain - which, yeah, it is - but they aren't involved in the group. Now, if they present on the portfolio, they could end up taking over the meeting, which I'm guessing is part of the reason they aren't involved. It only needs a light touch - really! But what's missing from the whole thing is a fully resourced timeline, which Party B has. And Party C was getting involved today, including questioning why I'm facilitating the group. Well a) it's a potential source of projects, so it gives me a heads up and b) it keeps me visible.

As for the rest, that's for parties A and B to sort out and then they can tell me what they need me to do.

For some reason, someone (the department boss...?) bought us all pizza for dinner. It was very nice.

I also read through the training slides and had another go at the first practice exam again. Even checking back with the slides I didn't get all the answers. They really make these things either ridiculously easy or twist the language so that the right answer sounds completely wrong. I'll have a go with the other paper tomorrow. There's also stuff online that I'll take a look at tomorrow.

I made a good start on my monthly report but didn't get to the end - and two of the people I need to get updates from are off, one on leave and one with Covid. *sigh* I'll finish my bits and then see if I can get the info elsewhere.

Finished the evening with an episode of Umbrella Academy. Have I mentioned how much I love Five? At least part of the reason is Delores <3

I've been plotting out my talk on Chapter 1 of the Book of Ruth next Sunday. There's a really nice summary of the full story on YouTube, that also shows how it is an amazing piece of literature. There are lots of commentaries available online. It's the first book I ever spoke about at St Bride's some 20+ years ago. I love it because it's short and easy to understand. It has layers of meaning - love, loyalty, providence, compassion. It's named after a gentile woman who knew what she wanted and went after it. Two of the three main characters are women. I'm looking forward to digging in to it again.

I reached the final boss in BG&ER and died repeatedly. I looked it up on YouTube and it looks like there's a knack to it but I really think I want to go into it better prepared with items - which means starting from the beginning. I'm not in the mood to replay it right away but it will always be there. Just like FFX... *ahem* I'm going to replay Unpacking as a palate-cleanser, then give Infamous: Second Son a go. And maybe come back to BG&ER after that. I have beaten it in the past, so it's not as if there are any surprises; I might even do the treasure hunt thing that's been added to the Remaster.

I also watched the next couple of episodes of Becoming Elizabeth. Seymour was a creep and Elizabeth was young and trusting. And headstrong. I still love her.

And some more of Psych. Things are coming together! 

The final series of Umbrella Academy has arrived but I want to watch the whole thing from the beginning - 36 episodes. It'll be interesting to go back to the start and trace the characters' development. 

Now for an early-ish night.