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Bit of a mixed bag of lessons learned
Apr. 14th, 2024 09:05 pmChurch was LONG, today. I love when we have discussions but don't do that plus a full-length sermon AND Holy Communion. Although the questions, and the discussion in my group, were very interesting :D
The sermon was about 'sin' as false attachments - the ways we self-identify that we then feel we have to live up to. What Richard Rohr calls 'living from the false self'. Our 'true self' is found in God. Or The Divine. Or however you describe it. 'Turning away from sin' is turning away from the small, false self to join with the large, true self. But we're afraid to break down the walls we've built around ourselves, or our group, because we think they provide safety, when they only create barriers between us and the rest of the world - and, actually, between us and God.
Or something like that...
It did make me think of the labels I use to describe myself and how helpful they actually are. The most exclusionary one I use is 'Scouse Not English', which really doesn't fit well for someone who also wants to be 'Inclusive'! I think it's time to drop that one. I still don't think I'll ever use the label 'English', though, because I feel people who describe themselves as English are creating their own clique. I'm British because that's my nationality (and there isn't much I can do about that!) and I'm Scouse because I'm passionate about my city. I could also stop denying 'Scousehood' to people from outside Toxteth :D
I got home and husband was scraping weeds out from between the paving slabs, saying he was bored (son was watching 'The Nutty Professor'). I joked that scraping weeds was more fun than having a shower (I'd got the bathroom set up before I went to church in case he found the energy to use it). Unfortunately, I didn't thank him or comment on how it was good to see him doing some activity, so he had a bit of a sulk. And when I said I was sorry, that wasn't good enough because I shouldn't have said it in the first place. He also asked if I saw the garden as my personal activity and didn't want anyone else doing anything out there.
Of course, I said, 'No!' because he's right - anything that gets him outside and doing something physical has to be a good thing. But when I poked my conscience, I had to admit he had a point. Subconsciously, I do see the garden as 'mine' and I do resent 'interference' - even scraping out the weeds. I'll never say this out loud - not because I want to hide it but because he'd say something like, 'You even admit it! You don't want my help - so I won't do it again.' No matter how many times I might say, 'I realise this is a wrong thing for me to think and I'm going to work against that thinking, and please DO get out there as much as you want to.' it would never land. So, I'm just telling myself to work on it!
On the other hand, when I thank him for washing up, he says there's no need to because he wants to help when he can, so I feel boxed in to a corner. You don't want thanks, or apologies, or explanations - WTF DO you want?! The joys of married life...
Anyway, I did a tiny bit of weeding and general tidying up but didn't do any digging out of weeds in the central area because the compost bin is completely full. I think the meadow idea is going to have to wait for next year. Part of me expected some comment on how I was 'taking over' or 'interfering' but I had intended to get out there today myself. That comment wasn't made, but I feel I should say something to head it off.
After dinner, I threw my scouse together in the slow cooker and headed upstairs to watch the 2008 version of 'Sense & Sensibility' - well the first two episodes. It really is sooo good, and proves what I said yesterday about the advantages of turning novels into a series rather than a one-shot.
Liverpool and Arsenal both lost today, so now the outcome of the Prem is in City's hands and they don't lose very often. Still, it ain't over 'til it's over... But the lesson here is to not take anything for granted. A few weeks ago, we looked untouchable, but a couple of dodgy results and it's all gone to pot.
After tea, I asked husband if he minded me watching the last episode of S&S, even though experience tells me this isn't a good idea. I'm now expecting a rant tomorrow about how I 'put him through' something he didn't want to watch. And he has a point - I could have waited an hour and watched it up here. It meant I didn't have to talk and adult conversation is one thing he's always asking for. Not that I'm much good at that, either. I can join in if he starts it, but my skills at finding something to talk about are poor-to-non-existent.
And finally, I've just had another hour on FF:RoF and I think I'm going to admit defeat. The screen is really small and there's no way to move the camera, so I can't really see what's going on around me. I tried to use Cure Magicite during battle and just couldn't get it to work quickly enough. And I had to light three candles with three separate balls of Fire Magicite very quickly, and ended up using 5 balls because I wasn't quick enough. If I have a spare hour this week, I might have another go but I'm not holding out much hope.
So, I've learned to stop putting limits on my inclusivity, to lead with 'thank you' even when thanks are unnecessary, to take nothing for granted, to not watch my programmes with husband, and that some video games are just not for me. In fact, I've re-learned all of those things because they are all lessons the Universe has put in front of me before, and will continue to put in front of me until they stick :D
The sermon was about 'sin' as false attachments - the ways we self-identify that we then feel we have to live up to. What Richard Rohr calls 'living from the false self'. Our 'true self' is found in God. Or The Divine. Or however you describe it. 'Turning away from sin' is turning away from the small, false self to join with the large, true self. But we're afraid to break down the walls we've built around ourselves, or our group, because we think they provide safety, when they only create barriers between us and the rest of the world - and, actually, between us and God.
Or something like that...
It did make me think of the labels I use to describe myself and how helpful they actually are. The most exclusionary one I use is 'Scouse Not English', which really doesn't fit well for someone who also wants to be 'Inclusive'! I think it's time to drop that one. I still don't think I'll ever use the label 'English', though, because I feel people who describe themselves as English are creating their own clique. I'm British because that's my nationality (and there isn't much I can do about that!) and I'm Scouse because I'm passionate about my city. I could also stop denying 'Scousehood' to people from outside Toxteth :D
I got home and husband was scraping weeds out from between the paving slabs, saying he was bored (son was watching 'The Nutty Professor'). I joked that scraping weeds was more fun than having a shower (I'd got the bathroom set up before I went to church in case he found the energy to use it). Unfortunately, I didn't thank him or comment on how it was good to see him doing some activity, so he had a bit of a sulk. And when I said I was sorry, that wasn't good enough because I shouldn't have said it in the first place. He also asked if I saw the garden as my personal activity and didn't want anyone else doing anything out there.
Of course, I said, 'No!' because he's right - anything that gets him outside and doing something physical has to be a good thing. But when I poked my conscience, I had to admit he had a point. Subconsciously, I do see the garden as 'mine' and I do resent 'interference' - even scraping out the weeds. I'll never say this out loud - not because I want to hide it but because he'd say something like, 'You even admit it! You don't want my help - so I won't do it again.' No matter how many times I might say, 'I realise this is a wrong thing for me to think and I'm going to work against that thinking, and please DO get out there as much as you want to.' it would never land. So, I'm just telling myself to work on it!
On the other hand, when I thank him for washing up, he says there's no need to because he wants to help when he can, so I feel boxed in to a corner. You don't want thanks, or apologies, or explanations - WTF DO you want?! The joys of married life...
Anyway, I did a tiny bit of weeding and general tidying up but didn't do any digging out of weeds in the central area because the compost bin is completely full. I think the meadow idea is going to have to wait for next year. Part of me expected some comment on how I was 'taking over' or 'interfering' but I had intended to get out there today myself. That comment wasn't made, but I feel I should say something to head it off.
After dinner, I threw my scouse together in the slow cooker and headed upstairs to watch the 2008 version of 'Sense & Sensibility' - well the first two episodes. It really is sooo good, and proves what I said yesterday about the advantages of turning novels into a series rather than a one-shot.
Liverpool and Arsenal both lost today, so now the outcome of the Prem is in City's hands and they don't lose very often. Still, it ain't over 'til it's over... But the lesson here is to not take anything for granted. A few weeks ago, we looked untouchable, but a couple of dodgy results and it's all gone to pot.
After tea, I asked husband if he minded me watching the last episode of S&S, even though experience tells me this isn't a good idea. I'm now expecting a rant tomorrow about how I 'put him through' something he didn't want to watch. And he has a point - I could have waited an hour and watched it up here. It meant I didn't have to talk and adult conversation is one thing he's always asking for. Not that I'm much good at that, either. I can join in if he starts it, but my skills at finding something to talk about are poor-to-non-existent.
And finally, I've just had another hour on FF:RoF and I think I'm going to admit defeat. The screen is really small and there's no way to move the camera, so I can't really see what's going on around me. I tried to use Cure Magicite during battle and just couldn't get it to work quickly enough. And I had to light three candles with three separate balls of Fire Magicite very quickly, and ended up using 5 balls because I wasn't quick enough. If I have a spare hour this week, I might have another go but I'm not holding out much hope.
So, I've learned to stop putting limits on my inclusivity, to lead with 'thank you' even when thanks are unnecessary, to take nothing for granted, to not watch my programmes with husband, and that some video games are just not for me. In fact, I've re-learned all of those things because they are all lessons the Universe has put in front of me before, and will continue to put in front of me until they stick :D
