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Shit situations are shit
Sep. 13th, 2018 07:34 amSo, my favourite colleague is taking voluntary severance due to him having no post following a restructure of his department. This is the third restructure I have witnessed that was overseen by a particular person and, in each case, someone I give a shit about has found themselves without a job. But this is the worst. And also the one I understand least - in the other two cases, I could see why the person was displaced. It's a shitty tactic, of course. If you have issues with a person, be a fucking grown-up and deal with them! Anyway, this one leaves me gaping like a fish and screaming 'WHY?!?!?!' at the universe. The universe merely gives its best, 'did you say something?' stare in reply.
But there are some things to learn from this.
One thing I've struggled with is the fact that this colleague and I have been close forever (nearly 18 years). If he was going through shit, why wouldn't he tell me? I've used him as a shoulder to cry on (almost literally on a couple of occasions) - he knows I'm here, he knows I'll listen - why not return the favour? Well, just because I'm here for someone doesn't mean they have to take me up on the offer. It's my ego that wants him to make use of me (in a manner of speaking!).
Another thing is that I, and a number of other people, want to say goodbye but he wants to just leave quietly. Again, our egos are at work. We want to acknowledge how we feel about him and the circumstances of him leaving - he feels like shit and doesn't want another reminder of that and the shitty way he's been treated. We say we want to support him, but really we're patting ourselves on the back.
And I also feel a little adrift. When my grandmothers died within a few months of each other, I felt suddenly cut off from the past. They were my link back to the world before my parents were born - and then they were gone. My colleague was one of three people on my original interview panel. One retired about six months after I started, one moved to Glasgow a couple of years ago (also due to a shitty situation caused by the person-who-loves-a-good-restructure)… and now he's going.
I treated him to some proper coffee, yesterday, and gave him a keyring-cum-bottle-opener with 'Keep calm, I'm the Doctor' printed on it in white on dark blue. Coffee and Doctor Who are two of the things we bonded over. And he's also a Doctor (in the academic sense) and I'm a Rose - and we've been so much more than colleagues but not quite friends (no socialising outside work) - and it feels like the end of something that I never imagined would end.
There are other people I'm fond of - my line manager is a total star - but nobody who's seen so much of me. It's true that part of me is leaving, too.
But there are some things to learn from this.
One thing I've struggled with is the fact that this colleague and I have been close forever (nearly 18 years). If he was going through shit, why wouldn't he tell me? I've used him as a shoulder to cry on (almost literally on a couple of occasions) - he knows I'm here, he knows I'll listen - why not return the favour? Well, just because I'm here for someone doesn't mean they have to take me up on the offer. It's my ego that wants him to make use of me (in a manner of speaking!).
Another thing is that I, and a number of other people, want to say goodbye but he wants to just leave quietly. Again, our egos are at work. We want to acknowledge how we feel about him and the circumstances of him leaving - he feels like shit and doesn't want another reminder of that and the shitty way he's been treated. We say we want to support him, but really we're patting ourselves on the back.
And I also feel a little adrift. When my grandmothers died within a few months of each other, I felt suddenly cut off from the past. They were my link back to the world before my parents were born - and then they were gone. My colleague was one of three people on my original interview panel. One retired about six months after I started, one moved to Glasgow a couple of years ago (also due to a shitty situation caused by the person-who-loves-a-good-restructure)… and now he's going.
I treated him to some proper coffee, yesterday, and gave him a keyring-cum-bottle-opener with 'Keep calm, I'm the Doctor' printed on it in white on dark blue. Coffee and Doctor Who are two of the things we bonded over. And he's also a Doctor (in the academic sense) and I'm a Rose - and we've been so much more than colleagues but not quite friends (no socialising outside work) - and it feels like the end of something that I never imagined would end.
There are other people I'm fond of - my line manager is a total star - but nobody who's seen so much of me. It's true that part of me is leaving, too.
