A bed of roses

The reading for today was from 1 Kings and described Solomon dedicating the temple. This then led to a discussion about our own worship and how we can work with the Holy Spirit. As the oldest inhabitant of St B's - in terms of years spent there rather than years spent on the planet - I got to talk about some of the changes I've seen.

I have a theory I call The Theology of Place. We are all called to be Somewhere. For some people, that means leaving one place and going to another - perhaps many, many times. For me, it means staying put. I was challenged by another member of my group that staying fixed could be unhealthy, and I agreed. Having just read Perelandra where the 'Eve' of Venus is forbidden from sleeping on the only fixed land on the planet, I see the danger in being rigid and dogmatic about staying forever in one spot. But whilst I've remained in the same place physically, that place has evolved so much.

First, there's the physical space. When I first went, there were pews along the sides of the main space as well as in the middle. The ones at the sides were removed in the mid-80s to make room for offices (with some of the pew backs being used in the construction), which were rented out to create an income stream. The main window, which depicts the Ascension, is framed by large pillars that used to be painted a dark red and were really obtrusive. They are now a light green and fade into the background. A few years ago, we realised our ambition of removing the remaining pews from the main space, and sanded and varnished the floor. This gives us a beautiful, flexible space.

Then there's our theology. In the 19th Century, a vicar at St Bride's prosecuted the vicar of St Margaret's up the road for having candles on his altar. Now, we light candles as part of our prayers. In 2007, we recognised that we would have to either change how we did things or close - so we changed. It's an ongoing experiment - and that's how we treat it. Let's try a thing - nope, didn't work. Or that bit of it was quite good - how can we make more of that? There is no 'failure', only 'learning'.

And there's my own growth. I've always found St B's to be a place of welcome - come in, join us, tells us what you want us to know about you, don't think you have to believe six impossible things before breakfast. That we have maintained. But it's fair to say that the relaunch gave me an opportunity to create a church in my own image. There was a period where it felt like we were a rebellious teenager - happy to live in the parental home (the C of E) whilst decrying everything about it as outdated and worthless. This was reflected in our worship that, at one point, was reduced to 'Hello, God' - chat - 'Goodbye, God'. But we've matured. I've matured. Reading Richard Rohr has definitely had an influence - I've moved away from dualistic either/or thinking, recognising the C of E for what it is - a human institution, run by human beings with all their faults and foibles, with occasional flashes of insight. And we're no better, we're just more open to questions.

Over the last few years, my role has become less and less pivotal. Other people have taken on the job of making sure things happen and I've been happy to let them. It's healthier for me and for the church. My ego sometimes whines that nobody knows what I DID - but I remember that what's important is that I did it, not that everybody knows about it.

And all of that is why it's important that I'm there. I'm the thread of continuity, through all the comings and goings. There's nobody else in our regular congregation who's been there more than 10 years - for a lot of them, it's less than 5. My 46 years of continuous attendance (minus a couple of years in my teens and the last 3 months of 2022) have seen so much CHANGE. And we're in for more of that when the new Rector starts.

I didn't say ALL of that this morning! And what I did say wasn't put as well. Yesterday's meditation from the CAC was written by a Choctaw elder who spoke of elders as guardians of the future not the past. I hold the memories so that we can move into the future.

And as I'm writing this, I'm reminded of what one of our former Rector's said about writing all of this down. Something to discuss with the new Rector, I think.