A bed of roses

There are some REALLY annoying flying enemies in BG&ER that shoot right at me whilst I'm trying to shoot at them. Shooting in video games is already my least favourite thing but I have to hit these things TWICE each. They come in waves - 1 then 2 then 1. I am not having fun! I've stocked up on healing items and will try again - probably Thursday.

A side question at church this morning was 'what is your hopeful song?'. It made me realise a lot of my favourite songs are pretty dark and gloomy, and involve activities I've never thought of engaging in. Maybe singing those songs (particularly Crawling, Runaway Train, Everybody Hurts, Hurt) are how I get those things out of my system...? Actually, a lot of my 'happy' songs are ones we sing at church.

I got in an episode of Psych. Things are definitely thawing! But Gus and Shawn made a REAL mess >D

And I've just watched the first two episodes of Becoming Elizabeth. I've always found Elizabeth I a fascinating character. She had to tread so carefully, even after she became queen. But the wrong word, a careless action, and she would never have made it that far. As far as I can tell, the programme is staying faithful to history. Looking ahead, it looks as though the series only covers the reign of Edward VI but it's already 2 years old. I wonder if there'll be a second series covering Mary's reign?

Managed to get out for a walk with the husband. It was a really good day to be out - overcast but not cold, with enough breeze to stop it getting too hot.

I'm in the office tomorrow, but it's a mostly desk-based day.

I've solved the problem of getting too hot at night. I'm sleeping on top of the duvet but under my bedspread. I really like being fully covered when I'm asleep, but the duvet is just too warm. The bedspread is just enough - I've slept like a baby the last two nights.

Speaking of which...

I caved and looked up the hints for the stuff I still need to do for Tunic and the thing I thought was a physical thing isn't - it's something you do. And now some other things make more sense. I've been flipping backwards and forwards between two options. #1 - face the final boss again knowing I'll fail again but take the NG+ option and use a guide to go through the game again. #2 - use my new knowledge to try to uncover all the stuff I'm missing by myself and use a guide to hoover up anything left over. Pro's for #1 - there may be items/areas/etc that are now unreachable for in-game Reasons, meaning I could do #2, revisiting every part of every area (basically replaying the game) but fail to find All The Things and end up going back to #1 after all - and I really don't want to do the whole thing 3 times. #1 is feeling more viable by the second. But I kinda wanna give #2 a try...

I watched the first 4 episodes of series 4 of Psych. Shawn and Gus just bounce off each other so brilliantly. And the kid playing young Shawn is getting better and better.

St M's was quiet this morning 7 adults (including me) and 4 kids. I delivered my thoughts on mustard seeds - no idea how they landed. But we were over and done in 30 minutes, which always feels like a win. Singing unaccompanied is horrid.

For tea, I did a roast because we haven't had one in a while and it went down VERY well indeed. So, another win!

Looking forward to a quiet work day tomorrow. There's a Playstation Access video about games they're looking forward to playing that I want to watch and, of course, there's the continuation of Dave's playthrough of FFVII OG!

It's one of those days where it seems like a VERY long time since I got up but the day hasn't dragged at all.

Started with a bath. When I got downstairs husband was having a nap, so I cleaned the bathroom. When that was done he was awake, so we had breakfast - filter coffee and crumpets with butter. <3

Quick clean of the living room in preparation for daughter and grandson #2. He takes sooo much energy, even when he's sitting still :D He's also learned to climb the stairs, so that's going to be fun going forward.

We still don't have a name for granddaughter. The two new ones daughter mentioned today were... well, I wouldn't have chosen them. One of them was my maternal grandmother's name, FCOL! Who was born in 1905! And she hadn't chosen it BECAUSE it was my grandmother's name because she thought that was something similar but different. Anyway, at this rate she'll only have her middle name, which is my name :D

And daughter has less idea of what to get grandson #1 for his 18th than we do >D

I played an hour of Tunic and hit a very nasty boss. Again, I'm playing on the easier setting. Again, the game's definition of 'easier' is different to mine. Again, I will give it another go, but really...

Then I watched Doctor Who on iPlayer. OMG!!! The best episode so far by a country MILE. And written by two women. Just sayin'... Sharp dialogue, LOL comedy, tears, ol' skool monster of the week, another glimpse of Susan Twist... Just wonderful. Won-der-ful!!! My only down (channelling Whoculture!), was The Kiss. Not because I'm homophobic (obvs) but because, for me, The Doctor and romance don't work. Whilst I liked that Rose got her 'own Doctor', if Rose and The Doctor had been 'a thing', I wouldn't have enjoyed it. Plus, he already has the TARDIS AND River. There's being polyamorous and there's being... whatever The Doctor is being :D

The thing with the psychic paper is bringing back memories, too. Was it something with River...? Don't know...

So, after DW, I went down and made tea for me and husband - ham with cauliflower cheese. Which was tasty and perfectly edible but the husband is one of those people who eat with their eyes and I hadn't drained the cauliflower enough and it put him off, so he didn't eat it. Then he made himself a sandwich so he could have his tablets and insulin and it was one of those occasions when I hit a nerve with the needle. I decided discretion was the better part of valour and made myself scarce to do the washing up and clean the kitchen.

And after THAT, I watched Mrs Harris goes to Paris, which was just delightful.

Husband came up to bed half-way through and we had a nice goodnight kiss and cuddle. His days of holding grudges and sulking for days on end are very much behind us - one of the positive results of the memory loss.

So, an event-filled day!

Next week, I will swap out my editing sessions for writing a talk on mustard seeds for St M's on 16 June. There's the version that says the kingdom of heaven starts small and grows to be enormous. And there's the version that says the mustard bush is a weed and the birds nesting in it are pests - and the kingdom is FOR the pests (the outcast, the lost and unwanted, the people on the edge). And is there a person in the world who has NEVER felt like that? Hmm... Something to run with there, I think...

Today's reading was about the Sabbath being made for humans, not humans for Sabbath, and the importance of rest. I try to include some 'sabbath' in every day - not only 'me time' but prayer time, too. And even this journal is part of it, revisiting the day as part of my wind-down.

I also prayed for the situation in the world today, and how it feels like disaster is closing in around my menfolk. But then I look at the blue sky, or the peony on my dressing table and I feel how GOOD the world is - at least how good it is when humans aren't messing it up! I also found comfort in the final line of one of my favourite hymns, 'O God, you search me and you know me' based on Psalm 139 - 'safe in your hands, all creation is made new.'. The world is broken, but whole, held in God's hand. I cannot see the end of the story but I believe that in the end everything will work out for the best. If it's not the best - well, we're not at the end.

Simplistic? Perhaps - but it keeps me sane.

Made progress with Tunic. I'm not using my shield effectively but who's surprised by that? Not me! But I am enjoying poking around all the nooks and crannies of the world. And using bombs. Bombs are good - in video games, obviously.

And I watched the end of Zau on YouTube, which was sort of what I was expecting it to be. I did realise that the 'relaxed' difficulty setting seems to extend to the platforming - there were a couple of ledges in the maze when I was trying to do it that were missing in the YT version. Which is all well and good - but what I needed was less sensitive controls and more checkpoints! Anyway, now I know. I do not expect to pick up any other Tales of Kenzera games :D

Husband and I got a take away from our favourite curry house - chicken Rogan josh with mushroom rice for him and prawn bhuna with chickpea rice for me, with mushroom bhaji and Bombay potatoes as sides. SO tasty. We had thought of going out to the restaurant tonight but husband's rheumatism was playing up - luckily they're on Just Eat! And I have left overs, too!

And so another Sabbath comes to an end. Peace be with you, DW <3

The service led by my two colleagues went really well but the tech let us down so we had to resort to paper :D Our discussion was around 'what does prayer mean to you?'. I decided to sit back and listen for a change but I think everyone in my group was saying something similar to what I would have said. Prayer is conversation with God, and we can access it at any time. There's no need for special words or positions - we just get to 'take it to the Lord in prayer'. But having 'special' times for prayer can be helpful because they take us out of ourselves, focus our attention on the divine, rather than random thoughts rattling around in our heads.

When I got home, the kettle, which was playing up yesterday, failed completely. I boiled a very small pan of water on the stove and it took 10 minutes! There was no way I was putting up with that until Tuesday, when I'm next in the office, so I headed into town for a kettle, toaster, and some other random bits I was going to pick up in the week. The most annoying thing was having to get dressed again after getting comfy in my PJs. I hate town at the best of times and Sunday shopping is perhaps the worst. Sundays for me are about rest and quiet - not quite a full-on Sabbath, but something close. These days, Sundays are at least as busy as Saturdays, perhaps even worse. Anyway, I got almost everything I wanted and left the rest for later, and got back home hot and sweaty but successful.

I'd left the washing machine on when I went out and it was ready to hang out when I got back. I considered putting it on the line but I knew we were due a thunderstorm, so decided to hang it out indoors. In the end, it probably would have had time to dry but better safe than sorry! We had a two minute downpour with perhaps one peal of thunder, but later on we had some real rain and LOTS of thunder. In between, we had the Man U v Arsenal match on and the storm arrived in Manchester, with live lightning and thunder! I've never seen that before.

After yesterday, I knew I was in no state to play Zau, so I watched the two episodes of Doctor Who that I completely forgot about yesterday *horrified gasp*

Thoughts on the new Doctor Who

I'd read some comments on fb, so I was a bit wary going in to it. But here are my thoughts.

Space Babies - if the babies were 'born' 6 years ago, why are they still babies and not 6yo? (possible RL reasons - perhaps 6yos command higher fees than babies? or it would have been harder to corral that many 6yos?) And how do they know - but don't know - how to operate everything? And wtf set up all the pulleys and levers? Actually - Nan-E is probably the answer to those two questions... I did like the prams. And saving the 'monster' (which looked VERY like a Propagator :D). One of my fb friends talked about 'virtue signalling', which I'm guessing referred to the stuff about a) insisting on babies being born but not looking after them after that and b) refugees are only refugees when they arrive on your shores. I actually thought that stuff was handled with SLIGHTLY more subtlety than similar issues have been handled in the past. Oh, and I did like the 'story so far' bit at the start - helpful even to those of us who've been Whovians for a while!

The Devil's Chord - an interesting idea. What would the world be like with no music? But it wasn't explored in enough depth because we had to have a song and dance routine at the end. WTF?!?! I liked Lennon and McCartney teaming up to play the final chord - although McCartney being played by Leafyard Man REALLY threw me. Anyway, amongst the 'there has to be a twist at the end' nonsense, 'Henry Arbinger' made a brief appearance, so presumably he'll be back later in the series. The Maestro was sinister in a way I found deeply uncomfortable rather than delightful. More Weeping Angel than Missie :D

I will, of course, continue to watch the series but it's going to take me a while to really get into Gatwa's Doctor, I think. In particular, I'm not getting any real chemistry between The Doctor and Ruby. Maybe the actors are too close in age? Or maybe The Doctor just hasn't been alien enough, yet. Time will tell.

After tea,

I came back up to continue with Zau.

I played for about 45 minutes, of which 30 were spent escaping the Black Cloud of Doom whilst trying to negotiate obstacles. I learned a new skill and had a few goes at using it when... hey, presto! The BCD was back!!! And not only do I have to run away from it, I have to use my new skill, too!!!

I noped out of THAT (there's football on tomorrow, so I'll have a go then, I think), and watched an episode of Psych. I think there's an issue with the continuity because the Chief had her baby but I'm sure she wasn't pregnant in the previous episode... Anyway, this episode was about a Comic Con, which reminded me that we had one in Liverpool last weekend. Sometimes it's hard to know what's a cosplay outfit and what's someone's preferred way of dressing :D

Oh, and we have video evidence of grandson #2 walking <3

And that was my Sunday. Back to work, tomorrow *sigh*

Church was LONG, today. I love when we have discussions but don't do that plus a full-length sermon AND Holy Communion. Although the questions, and the discussion in my group, were very interesting :D

The sermon was about 'sin' as false attachments - the ways we self-identify that we then feel we have to live up to. What Richard Rohr calls 'living from the false self'. Our 'true self' is found in God. Or The Divine. Or however you describe it. 'Turning away from sin' is turning away from the small, false self to join with the large, true self. But we're afraid to break down the walls we've built around ourselves, or our group, because we think they provide safety, when they only create barriers between us and the rest of the world - and, actually, between us and God.

Or something like that...

It did make me think of the labels I use to describe myself and how helpful they actually are. The most exclusionary one I use is 'Scouse Not English', which really doesn't fit well for someone who also wants to be 'Inclusive'! I think it's time to drop that one. I still don't think I'll ever use the label 'English', though, because I feel people who describe themselves as English are creating their own clique. I'm British because that's my nationality (and there isn't much I can do about that!) and I'm Scouse because I'm passionate about my city. I could also stop denying 'Scousehood' to people from outside Toxteth :D

I got home and husband was scraping weeds out from between the paving slabs, saying he was bored (son was watching 'The Nutty Professor'). I joked that scraping weeds was more fun than having a shower (I'd got the bathroom set up before I went to church in case he found the energy to use it). Unfortunately, I didn't thank him or comment on how it was good to see him doing some activity, so he had a bit of a sulk. And when I said I was sorry, that wasn't good enough because I shouldn't have said it in the first place. He also asked if I saw the garden as my personal activity and didn't want anyone else doing anything out there.

Of course, I said, 'No!' because he's right - anything that gets him outside and doing something physical has to be a good thing. But when I poked my conscience, I had to admit he had a point. Subconsciously, I do see the garden as 'mine' and I do resent 'interference' - even scraping out the weeds. I'll never say this out loud - not because I want to hide it but because he'd say something like, 'You even admit it! You don't want my help - so I won't do it again.' No matter how many times I might say, 'I realise this is a wrong thing for me to think and I'm going to work against that thinking, and please DO get out there as much as you want to.' it would never land. So, I'm just telling myself to work on it!

On the other hand, when I thank him for washing up, he says there's no need to because he wants to help when he can, so I feel boxed in to a corner. You don't want thanks, or apologies, or explanations - WTF DO you want?! The joys of married life...

Anyway, I did a tiny bit of weeding and general tidying up but didn't do any digging out of weeds in the central area because the compost bin is completely full. I think the meadow idea is going to have to wait for next year. Part of me expected some comment on how I was 'taking over' or 'interfering' but I had intended to get out there today myself. That comment wasn't made, but I feel I should say something to head it off.

After dinner, I threw my scouse together in the slow cooker and headed upstairs to watch the 2008 version of 'Sense & Sensibility' - well the first two episodes. It really is sooo good, and proves what I said yesterday about the advantages of turning novels into a series rather than a one-shot. 

Liverpool and Arsenal both lost today, so now the outcome of the Prem is in City's hands and they don't lose very often. Still, it ain't over 'til it's over... But the lesson here is to not take anything for granted. A few weeks ago, we looked untouchable, but a couple of dodgy results and it's all gone to pot.

After tea, I asked husband if he minded me watching the last episode of S&S, even though experience tells me this isn't a good idea. I'm now expecting a rant tomorrow about how I 'put him through' something he didn't want to watch. And he has a point - I could have waited an hour and watched it up here. It meant I didn't have to talk and adult conversation is one thing he's always asking for. Not that I'm much good at that, either. I can join in if he starts it, but my skills at finding something to talk about are poor-to-non-existent.

And finally, I've just had another hour on FF:RoF and I think I'm going to admit defeat. The screen is really small and there's no way to move the camera, so I can't really see what's going on around me. I tried to use Cure Magicite during battle and just couldn't get it to work quickly enough. And I had to light three candles with three separate balls of Fire Magicite very quickly, and ended up using 5 balls because I wasn't quick enough. If I have a spare hour this week, I might have another go but I'm not holding out much hope.

So, I've learned to stop putting limits on my inclusivity, to lead with 'thank you' even when thanks are unnecessary, to take nothing for granted, to not watch my programmes with husband, and that some video games are just not for me. In fact, I've re-learned all of those things because they are all lessons the Universe has put in front of me before, and will continue to put in front of me until they stick :D

Church was interesting, today. The liturgy was prepared by our trainee Reader, who also did the sermon. Afterwards, three of our longer-term members came to me with a bit of a grumble about the theology of the liturgy. I pointed out that the Reader is probably having to tick some boxes for their course and it certainly doesn't indicate our future direction of travel. We still take our 'progressive' identity seriously!

We also had someone return who hasn't been around for a decade or more. But we're always there, ready for the wanderers to find us again!

I wanted to get into the garden but it was a wet and windy afternoon, so that was that.

Instead I finished EotF. I was hoping for more lore about the Fallen, but I get that SE threw it together really quickly, so I can forgive them. The final boss was challenging! But there were enough potions and high potions lying around to get me through. Very glad I stuck to 'Story Mode' though!

This evening I'm watching 'Vanilla Sky', which isn't what I expected it to be! I seem to be finding a lot of those, at the moment :D What are the stories we tell ourselves? How much would we go through to connect with 'the one who got away'? How do we tell reality from fantasy?

Tomorrow promises to be eventful, so now it's time for bed.

I had a WFH day to ease me back in because husband's bath board was being delivered. It's really easy to put on and take off and I'm even thinking of using it myself as a bath rack >D

Amongst the gazillion work-related emails in my inbox were several from EPC, who I actually think I should rename Tigger because I felt bounced by the emails just as much as them! Luckily, they're off this week, so I get a chance to absorb what was done last week. I've also set up a meeting with our BI experts so they can take me through it all and explain it nice and slowly. And I can then pass the info on to the PMs, again in a way that allows space for questions.

I want to make it clear I love Tigger and their enthusiasm, and the fact that they've done so much with all this functionality in such a short space of time. I'd still be poking vaguely at it, knowing it COULD be really useful but not able to make any sense of it. However, I hope my approach to sharing the outcomes of all that work is slightly easier for colleagues to digest.

My 'writing time' this morning was spent editing the Parish Profile. I want to take the garden analogy and run it through the whole document, which will take a level of thought I don't normally have first thing in the morning. But Thursday dinner time is currently free, so I'm thinking headphones on, thinking cap engaged, let's see what we can do in an hour!

No gaming or telly, tonight. I'm sticking to my resolution to be settling down to sleep around 10pm rather than 11pm, or even 10.30pm. Switching the laptop off earlier will also allow more reading time.

Today's readings have nudged me to reconsider the Resurrection. I believe in a cycle of life and death, constant renewal. And I've been part of a resurrection story myself at my church, which we brought back from the brink of closure 17 years ago. But the physical resurrection of Jesus...? That's always left me scratching my head. Although, as our vicar said on Sunday, living with the mystery of it all is sort of the point! I don't say I believe it didn't happen, I just say I don't believe it did. Talk about hedging your bets! Not to mention splitting hairs... But I'm starting to think I need to explore it all a little more thoroughly. And through other people's writing, not just inside my own head.

We had a visit from the Occupational Therapy team at the council today to assess husband's needs. The OT who visited is ordering a riser on the couch to make it easier to stand/sit, a bench for the bath for safer showering, and a frame to go around the upstairs toilet. All good!

I then took husband out for some fresh air and missed a meeting that I was invited to whilst the OT was with us, so didn't even realise was there. I'm still slightly embarrassed about it but I don't think I was really needed, based on the feedback I got :)

EPC wanted to set some definitions around the new project stages/gates, which I think (and EPC agreed!) will come out of the review process we're about to start - but they were very keen to get something in saying, 'we can change it later'. Well, yeah - but it would be better to just put it in once and put it in right! However, we're not asking the other PMs to do anything just yet, so we're only mucking ourselves around. I am VERY wary of asking them to do one thing then changing it almost immediately. But EPC is living up to their name :D

This evening I had a church meeting which involved some difficult conversations - but we held each other through them. And it was on Zoom, so at least it didn't involve being out late in the rain.

And now I'm going to bed. Night, DW!

Playstation Access' Dave solved a puzzle box that then led to him and Ash (back from holiday but no longer a member of the team) to an empty house on an island in the Thames. Ash is the 'Horror Queen' and Dave is most definitely not. I encourage you to watch both videos. They are an elaborate promotion for 'Alone in the Dark'.

Worked on the strategy/plan summary thing today. Now it's up to the Leadership Team to decide if everything is where they want it, then we can add the final bits and roll it up into the annual summary. It always feels good to support something at that level. Oh, but the template is ANNOYING. It's in Excel and includes merged cells, which are just NOT user friendly when it comes to copying and pasting. Also, I think the version we're using is for gathering intel, which is then put into a final reporty thing anyway, so why not just give us a bloody spreadsheet?! Or use MSForms?.One of my colleagues had the genius idea of putting text boxes over the merged cells, which at least made things easier.

And I think I'm pretty much there for Sunday. I'll run through my reflection a couple of times tomorrow. For once, I've really come up short on answers. I have no answers to the destruction of a whole culture. Where is the public outcry at the destruction of Palestinian museums, universities, worship centres? But why would the UK Westminster establishment worry about it when they can make political capital out of it?

In gaming news, Fuzz has finally entered Junon! Some fun moments but I don't want to stray into spoilers.

And I've changed Ambrosia's appearance in FFXVI and cleared up a hunt near Eastpool. The info on the locations of the marks is really sketchy. There's one somewhere around Caer Norvent that I remember struggling to find last time as well. I can always look it up at some point - for now, I'm moving on with the story.

And I may have persuaded chat buddy to get FFXVI whilst it's on sale. I think the price is fair. It doesn't have the level of content that Rebirth has, which they've gone ahead and bought. I'm still struggling to get my head around that :D

I've downloaded the demo for 'One Piece Odyssey' because I really enjoyed the Netflix series and the full game is on sale. If I like the demo, I'll put the full game on my wish list for now.

There's also a demo for 'Stella Blade', I think, which has piqued my interest, although not enough for me to buy it right away. Oh, and BG3 is also on sale, but the price is still to high for me. I have too many 'free' games on PS+ to want to spend money on new games.

I'm nearly at the end of 'Emma' but the 'end' just keeps going! I hadn't realised before how big a gap there is between Emma realising her true feelings and the 'happy ever after'. I'm keeping myself to one chapter a night, which is helping to drag it out, I suppose. I may allow myself two tonight :D