May. 16th, 2017

 Just watched the final episode of 'Little Boy Blue', a dramatization of the real life events following the death of Rhys Jones in Liverpool in 2007. He was the same age as my grandson, getting ready to go to senior school after the summer holidays. He was shot, accidentally, by a member of a local gang who was firing at members of a rival gang. It's left me feeling...

Feeling what? Just feeling. His parents' loss is unfathomable. How do you even begin to get over something like that? They managed to support each other through the investigation and trial but then it fell apart. I can imagine them holding it together, then just not knowing what to do, how to move on. They split up for a while but are now back together. I'm so glad.

You don't know how you'll cope with a tragedy until it happens. Thankfully, my young ones are all safe and well, my husband is here, we're a family.

But what of my sister-in-law's kids, scattered to the winds? What of her brother who lost his father too young and his mother by default?

What of my mother, finding her husband dead by his own hand? Another accident, but just as final as if it were deliberate. Auto-erotic asphyxiation - how did he even know about it? Who on earth first tried that?!

And what would my life had been if he had lived? Where would I be? Who would I be?

Impossible questions. The only answer is, 'somewhere else, someone else' - possibly married but probably not with the family I have now. A different life, neither better nor worse; just different.

He was always present in his absence, always a part of my psyche, although I barely knew him and have no memory of him. An influence on my development, my growth, my self.

But this post was prompted by the tragic loss of an innocent child, not that of a grown man who should have known better.

He lives on in the memory of his family and all who knew him.

RIP Rhys.



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