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Farewell...
May. 24th, 2018 07:48 amLast Friday went really well. The church service was pretty generic but you have to feel for clergy in that situation. The priest didn't know our niece, or any of the family, and I don't think the family have the confidence to tell him what they actually want from the service. Would they even know what they wanted?! So, we got his standard 'Christians find comfort in the cross' sermon, based on the enormous painting of the Crucifixion above the altar - ie, the same one we had for her mother two years ago. My daughter got herself worked up about it - it's all about Jesus. It's a church - and a Roman Catholic one at that - what are you expecting?!
On the way to the church we went past her workplace where a number of the staff were waiting outside. I thought that was a nice touch.
I was quite impressed that he spoke about our niece 'joining the saints', which I thought was more of a Protestant position. One of our congregation, who used to be RC, said that many in the RC tradition are moving towards that position. So, that's a good thing.
Then on to the crem, which I thought was a bit better. There were some roses laid out for us to place on the coffin, which both daughter and I did. Her friend, who was injured in the accident, broke down at the end. They were really close and I expect she has a dose of 'survivor guilt'. It all felt suddenly real to me, which is the point, I suppose. I've said before, we weren't particularly close, although we spent a lot of time together when she was a child, but it's her age - only one month older than my daughter - which really hits me. I keep looking at my kids and the younger people I work with and getting a shiver up my spine.
The coffin had to be closed for legal (public health?) reasons, given that it was over two months since the accident, which really upset her uncle. I don't think he felt he'd said a proper 'goodbye'.
They had a lovely photo of her and her mother, though. The only mercy in all this is that her mother went first; burying her daughter would have killed her.
Then we went on to the 'do', which was in a pub she went to regularly. With karaoke and disco... Not quite my idea of a wake but she would have loved it!
It was also a chance to catch up with family, of course, including our favourite nephew who most definitely did appreciate us and what we did for them all when they were kids. We only tried to offer them some of the love we felt they missed at home. He's based his whole value system around us and tells his kids about our days out. I suspect a certain amount of rose-tinted glasses has been applied - but it's still so touching to know we had that much influence on him, and now his own kids.
Both the husband and I felt truly humbled by what he told us.
On the way to the church we went past her workplace where a number of the staff were waiting outside. I thought that was a nice touch.
I was quite impressed that he spoke about our niece 'joining the saints', which I thought was more of a Protestant position. One of our congregation, who used to be RC, said that many in the RC tradition are moving towards that position. So, that's a good thing.
Then on to the crem, which I thought was a bit better. There were some roses laid out for us to place on the coffin, which both daughter and I did. Her friend, who was injured in the accident, broke down at the end. They were really close and I expect she has a dose of 'survivor guilt'. It all felt suddenly real to me, which is the point, I suppose. I've said before, we weren't particularly close, although we spent a lot of time together when she was a child, but it's her age - only one month older than my daughter - which really hits me. I keep looking at my kids and the younger people I work with and getting a shiver up my spine.
The coffin had to be closed for legal (public health?) reasons, given that it was over two months since the accident, which really upset her uncle. I don't think he felt he'd said a proper 'goodbye'.
They had a lovely photo of her and her mother, though. The only mercy in all this is that her mother went first; burying her daughter would have killed her.
Then we went on to the 'do', which was in a pub she went to regularly. With karaoke and disco... Not quite my idea of a wake but she would have loved it!
It was also a chance to catch up with family, of course, including our favourite nephew who most definitely did appreciate us and what we did for them all when they were kids. We only tried to offer them some of the love we felt they missed at home. He's based his whole value system around us and tells his kids about our days out. I suspect a certain amount of rose-tinted glasses has been applied - but it's still so touching to know we had that much influence on him, and now his own kids.
Both the husband and I felt truly humbled by what he told us.
