Entries tagged with grief

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: bedroom

Entry tags:

Zen? Not so much...

My chat buddy described 'Unpacking' as a 'zen game', yesterday. Today, I played it for about 2.5 hours straight and my head is still pounding. Note to self - use a timer if you play it again! I do love the beats of the story, though. I hadn't noticed before how the music matches the plot points so well. It's a very special little game - just pace yourself when you play it.

Some more 'beat the intro' on my liked songs list with the boys. I found I'd managed to like some songs more than once, so it's also a pruning exercise :D Tonight I skipped over songs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show even though I would have loved to sing along to them :D Which has just reminded me that Barry Bostwick turned up in 'Psych' and said, 'Janet?' and then 'Dammit!' >D

Took husband out for a walk but we had to cut it short because I didn't want to end up with blisters. Damn this hot weather!

And I've finished off the day with 'Becoming Elizabeth'. She's finally learning how to keep her head - quite literally. This series covers Edward VI's reign. I hope they do another for Mary I's.

I really hope people stop using what happened in Southport as an excuse to cause trouble. The shops in the city centre had to shut this afternoon, and a phone shop was looted. How does that help the grieving families or protect other children? Oh, yeah - it doesn't because some people are just looking for an excuse to attack people who are 'other'. The leader of the mosque on Brougham Terrace has shown what's possible when people share their concerns and just talk to each other.

Looking forward to my talk in church tomorrow. I really am Ruth_Fan :D

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: bedroom

Entry tags:

Dealing when you didn't realise you needed to...

Trigger warning for conversation about death and grief.

...

...

...

Today is the 6th anniversary of our niece's passing. We weren't particularly close - we took her out with the other kids when they were all young but we weren't her type of people and she wasn't ours. What hit us most was her being the same age as our daughter and how it could just as easily have been her. As discussed in earlier posts, I used her death, and the subsequent trial and sentencing of the driver, as the main illustration of my talk in church and I realise I feel a lot lighter. I haven't grieved because I didn't feel I needed to - but that in itself was a grief to me. Now, though, I realise preparing for today has given me the chance to process it all. Or some of it, at least.

Part of the talk was about how we were initially thrown into a state of limbo. Firstly there was a delay to the funeral, then the case didn't get to court for over 2 years (not helped by the pandemic) and the sentencing was nearly 3 years after the accident. A couple of people said the idea of 'limbo' had really resonated with them, so I'm very pleased I went with it in the end.

...

...

...

Talking about other stuff, now :)

I nearly didn't get to church, though. There was a half-marathon going along the main road I need to cross. If I'd been setting off at the usual time, the runners would have been more spaced out, but because I needed to be there early, I was met with a solid mass of bodies! In the end, I played a kind of real-life Frogger - getting into a gap, letting a couple of people run past then moving forward a couple of steps, letting a couple more go past! One bloke swore at me but I think he was entitled. From his pov, I was some random woman getting in his way who could have just waited half-an-hour. Which I couldn't but he didn't know that.

I had a chat with a newbie who was with us last week, too, but I didn't get a chance to talk to then. They moved to Liverpool from London quite recently and since they moved have suffered from some problem with their legs - and apparently we have a leading neuroscience team here, which they couldn't have accessed in London. I asked what had brought them to Liverpool and they said they didn't really know - but they were glad they'd made the move! It's what a former minister of ours would have called 'a God coincidence'.

This afternoon, I did a bit more on clearing the middle patch in the garden, raking up anything loose enough to be raked. The main problem I'm going to have, I think, is that the compost bin is now full! I also checked the bird feeder that's been taken over as a nesting box and a bird flew out. I just hope it went back and I haven't scared it off. I tried to peer in from the other side of the bush and a robin perched on a branch watching me, so perhaps the nest is theirs? I decided to just keep away from it for the time being. The robin was also hopping around the garden pecking at the ground I'd cleared, so it's also benefitting from me being out there!

I've also done an extra bit of cleaning in the bathroom ahead of the visit from Occupational Health, tomorrow. I found a 'recipe' for cleaning tiles - mixing washing soda and bleach into a paste, working it in with a toothbrush, then rinsing it off. It not only worked on the grouting but also some icky bits on the tiles themselves. I think it's going to have to be a more regular job, though, because it's still not perfect.

I made some progress in FFXVI. Clive was 'invited' to meet another dominant and took up the invitation with Gav and Jill in tow. Gav said something about helping out and I thought, 'And Torgal! Torgal's a good boy - he always helps.' forgetting that in this particular section Torgal really does have his own moment that comes as a surprise to everyone, including himself, I think <3

In the meantime, LFC managed to throw away a lead twice, eventually losing 4-3 to Man U in the FA Cup Quarter Final. But it means we can focus on the Prem, now. And the Europa League, which is the only trophy Klopp hasn't won. Either, or both, would go very nicely with the Carabao Cup as a farewell gift to everyone's favourite German :)

I finished 'Emma' last night, so now it's on to 'Northanger Abbey', probably my least favourite Austen book. I think it's because Catherine is so much younger than any of the other heroines and seems somewhat silly and naive - but that's also her charm. Also, Gothic novels aren't really my thing, although it's a pastiche on the genre rather than a Gothic novel in its own right, and I very much enjoy it on that level.

And I think that will do for now. I really need to get to bed!

Current Mood: sad
Current Location: bedroom

Entry tags:

My darlings

Just watched the final episode of 'Little Boy Blue', a dramatization of the real life events following the death of Rhys Jones in Liverpool in 2007. He was the same age as my grandson, getting ready to go to senior school after the summer holidays. He was shot, accidentally, by a member of a local gang who was firing at members of a rival gang. It's left me feeling...

Feeling what? Just feeling. His parents' loss is unfathomable. How do you even begin to get over something like that? They managed to support each other through the investigation and trial but then it fell apart. I can imagine them holding it together, then just not knowing what to do, how to move on. They split up for a while but are now back together. I'm so glad.

You don't know how you'll cope with a tragedy until it happens. Thankfully, my young ones are all safe and well, my husband is here, we're a family.

But what of my sister-in-law's kids, scattered to the winds? What of her brother who lost his father too young and his mother by default?

What of my mother, finding her husband dead by his own hand? Another accident, but just as final as if it were deliberate. Auto-erotic asphyxiation - how did he even know about it? Who on earth first tried that?!

And what would my life had been if he had lived? Where would I be? Who would I be?

Impossible questions. The only answer is, 'somewhere else, someone else' - possibly married but probably not with the family I have now. A different life, neither better nor worse; just different.

He was always present in his absence, always a part of my psyche, although I barely knew him and have no memory of him. An influence on my development, my growth, my self.

But this post was prompted by the tragic loss of an innocent child, not that of a grown man who should have known better.

He lives on in the memory of his family and all who knew him.

RIP Rhys.